I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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