After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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