This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
