I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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