dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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