While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize