We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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