Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
