I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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