he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
