I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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