Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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