the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
