Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
