dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
