well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
