I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
