i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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