i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The air was thick with penises
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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