so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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