There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
