What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
