The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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