Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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