Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
