My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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