At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
