she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
