She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
