I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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