I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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