I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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