What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize