I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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