So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
