i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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