Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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