theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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