The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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