and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
