Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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