ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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