weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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