in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
