they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
