I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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