Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
