Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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