My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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