I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
