Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My pussy is not your playground.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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