I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
