Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
