I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
