If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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