1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
