I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
