literally had 100 drinks last night.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dicks are not precious.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
