My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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