I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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