when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
