No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Less talking, more tequila
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
