weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
