beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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