I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
