i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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