What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
