I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
