If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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